My son is fond of saying things like "Gaming is Life" or "Cheetos are life." Basically, whatever he is enjoying in the moment, whatever little thing that is giving him pleasure gets the exalted distinction of the very definition of what it means to be alive. I try to bring him down to earth and explain that actually, challenges, learning from mistakes, and disappointments ARE life. And I wonder why he tunes me out!
I came upon this quote today, and it inspired me to write a post under an anonymous name for no one's benefit but my own. It goes a little something like this:
"Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new." --Brian Tracy
This made me think about the fact that what your brain may perceive as a threat to it/you (like a new experience ie. talking to strangers, speaking to a crowd, wearing a bikini in public, etc) it can also learn to crave when it is introduced to the rewards inherent in trying something new and not dying. When we try new things and we gain new perspective, our brains can be trained to crave going out into the world, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable can be seen as exciting rather than terrifying. Nothing is a foregone conclusion. Envision what you want and believe you can make it happen. Reality is what you are brave enough to dream up.
My son was asking which parent he takes after the most. This was a question I had, especially when my parents were divorcing. Unfortunately (maybe) I was drawn to my dad's plight, and I saw my mother as cold and unfeeling. She was willing to rip our family apart. She didn't have the simple decency to ask first how her choices would affect us, her children. I saw my dad as a victim, just like us kids. Anyway, unfortunately, because I was so confused by the break-up of our family and the questions it forced in me about my identity now that my family was changed, I needed so badly to know that I was part of these people, and I wanted to define how I was connected to them. I was so lacking in self-confidence and self-worth. It's sad to think about.
Now I see that this is part of normal development. My son will naturally identify with his parents, and will spend the next 15-20 years figuring out who he is. Or, as I am discovering, he will spend the rest of his life figuring out who he is. Back to my quote: I am finally feeling confident that I can change who I thought I was in order to create who I want to be because I realize and am no longer afraid of discomfort. I have realized plenty of rewards from these feelings of discomfort, and I am no longer feeling beholden to some notion of "who I am," rather I am feeling totally empowered to realize who I can and want to be. It's whatever I am ballsy enough to dream up. Life is no longer scary and burdensome; it's amazing, mysterious, beautiful and mine. And I have every belief that sobriety, freedom from all mood and mind-altering substances has helped me gain this new perspective. It's unbelievably good shit.
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